Are you a Control Freak.
Awful word I know, But actually Controlling behaviour, is far from an arrogant or self righteous trait , it’s actually a distinct
🎯Fear of Feeling not enough, just as you are . 🎯And fear of failing, vulnerability and humiliation..
This coping trait is generally born from trauma, loss dysfunction or abuse.
And whilst definitely is a strength, and creates huge positives and Achievements, Over doing it can lead to loneliness, resentment, exhaustion and depression .
Here’s some signs of overly controlling behaviour .
1. Rarely asking for help. 2. Does not delegate which can lead to burnout. 3. High expectations for self, and others 4. Impossible to sustain high standards for self and others.. 5. Believing wholeheartedly that only you can get the job done properly . 6. Having one size fits all ..in other words,how you do things is, is the Only way to do things.
Generally ppl exhibit these behaviours when they have come from a place where the only person they could truly depend on , was self.
📍Maybe you grew up in a dysfunctional childhood. 📍Suffered neglect or abuse 📍Was bullied at school and had noone to turn to, 📍Suffered trauma or humiliation from an event or circumstance 📍Or had a major change happen in your life that you had no control over .
Whatever your story. Your nervous system remembers that. It remembers your fear and loneliness and distress and so , as your protector, it enabled you to create a coping mechanism to ensure you never return back to that place again..
Hence ..controlling behaviour
If you do everything, you in your mind cannot be let down
People cannot be trusted ( in your subconscious mind) therefore , you must be in charge of everything, or disaster will strike again
And there is only one way ..your way..why...because your ego will not risk another opinion or method, just in case it goes wrong, your way is tried and tested...it’s safe ..
✅But, it’s exhausting . ✅Solitary ✅Fixed ✅And overwhelming .
Your Ego whilst trying to protect you is now actually not serving you, because after all,theres always more than one way to reach the mountain top.
And only doing it your way,
1. Robs you of different beautiful journeys . 2. Disables you from allowing to be helped, and therfore enjoying a more relaxed pace of life. 3. Separates you from growth and learning from new experiences 4. Destroys relationships and creates only dependent, or needy ones. 5. Inhibits your ability to advance way, beyond your limited means. Here’s how you can assist yourself in helping yourself to let go, and step away from Control. • Seek help for your past issues, so you can reset your stored trauma and stop being held hostage by your past.
• Start with letting go slowly, maybe let your partner pick the restaurant or film you usually choose for date night.
• Allow yourself one task you can delegate, so others can prove their capabilities.
• Remember and repeat. I am safe. This is not my past .
• Take up a relaxation activity, such as walks in nature, meditation or simply just being...(not doing/achieving )
• Live a little, write out, what’s the worst that can happen if I left the dishes overnight ( for example). It’s important you challenge your impulse control and build new muscles in your brain to Enable you to resist urges and compulsions .
These urges and compulsions that make you act, preach, tut or over deliver, Will be uncomfortable to ignore at first.. Will feel twitchy and urgy.
It’s ok . Time them out.
Resist the urge for 5 mins.. The more you do this, the more you work those muscles, and the easier it gets . But try not to jump to attention Give your inner sergeant major some time off, and grow yourself into feeling more comfortable , in not being in Control.
It won't be easy at first..no bad habit is ever comfortable at first,
But it will change, you will resist easier until eventually, it becomes easy. And then watch, how your life , energy and relationships...transform.
And guess what, the world doesn't stop or collapse just because you've failed to carry it on your shoulders... It carries on, and you get to enjoy it....
Plus it’s the best anti ager known to man 😀 Fact.......