John Gottman , Marriage and relationship expert. Talks about " sliding door moments" Those moments where we choose to turn towards our partners rather than away are the building blocks in any relationship. The example is, one night he noticed his wife looked sad...he wanted to go back to the bedroom to finish his book. He could have ignored her. Pretend he hadn't seen her , But instead he stopped, went back, picked up the brush and combed her hair..as he asked , what's wrong baby ? In that moment , he created connection . She was seen, acknowledged and supported She knew he could be relied upon , trusted..even when to do the wrong thing was an option He in turn instead of walking away and thinking , Christ what now I could do better and essentially shame for being selfish... created intimacy, banished those thoughts and replaced them with youre important.. It's those moments, lots of little, those moments, That create trust,a United front and all the feel goods. Much like life. We have those same choices right. We can answer a friend abruptly or pretend we,re busy rather than reaching out , We can react negatively to a comment on Facebook or think twice,and choose to ignore or support, rather than berate.. Sliding door moments require a pause , A what am I doing here ponder ? And a, can I be part of the solution or will I be part of the problem, assessment. Those 2 minutes reflection ..can alter your relationships, your sense of self and how you feel in general.. Certainly I'm looking at this again. And remembering. Acting in a way that feels good creates long term self worth, dependability and trust in your circles and closeness within your intimate relationships, Acting in a way that causes shame Chips away at our under the surface sense of self..creates mistrust and feelings of abandonment and simply puts distance between you and whoever is in your life It's never a free lunch . We always pay. And so do they.