Updated: May 22
It can be something you might not link your responses to, like not being popular at school, failing a test or being lost.
The bottom line is, if you find yourself feeling uncomfortable, anxious, fearful or down right panicked and/or angry, in a situation that to the naked eye, doesn't warrant the reaction....or you can't understand why you struggle in certain situations or, act out in certain self-defeating behaviours....over and over again….then the reality is, your brain, your nervous system and your body are having what is called a trauma response or a trigger.
It's recalling a past experience that you weren't able to emotionally deal with back then...and re-enacting it out into your present day.
Let's say for example;
You were Bullied at School.
Humiliated by a peer group.
Or abandoned/dropped out of your group, for no good reason.
Back then you didn't know how to organically deal with it...so you created behaviours to help manage the adrenals, the fear the anxiety....in order to regulate your response....To cope.
Maybe you became withdrawn, invisible, or learnt to do for others...it seemed to help back then, it kept you safe, and people talked to you if you "did their homework" for example.
Over the years, as a result of not allowing that wound to be talked about, allowed or healed... Every time a group of girls were about , your body would prepare you...it has memory, it's there to protect you...and so, you'd have an adverse reaction...to maybe women who...in your conscious mind, shouldn't make you feel this way...
It confuses you, you judge you...or them....whichever works.....and go into old coping behaviours, to again...regulate the emotional, mental and physical reaction you're having.
The brain, as a result of you doing your coping behaviours again....is sent the signal that you were of course in danger, and so it re-affirms the trauma, and stores it's response, ready for the next time...and so on and so forth.
This happens that often...the behaviours become subconscious and set, the discomfort becomes your normal and you actually start to just live with how you are...you justify it...yes I don't get on with women...I don't like socialising and no I'm an introvert or yes I've always loved helping others...
But on the inside you know...on the inside it causes you distress...on the inside, you wish it could be different..
Well it can....you see triggers are ok...they're your spiritual call to action...they're alerting you to a wound you need to heal from..
It's asking you to allow and acknowledge.
But more than that, it's asking you to release, walk through and nurture by rather than pushing it back down and surpressing, or acting in ways that make you feel alone and or compromised. Just gently start to take steps to do the opposite of what you would normally do.
Create a system to help you..
Create a grounding self soothing package for in the moment..
I love mantras, deep breathing and water...
When the uncomfortable fear feeling comes on you, learn to unclench your body,
Talk it through relaxing itself..
Breathe in for 5 out for 4...this instantly tells the brain...it's ok...she's not in danger.
And a soothing voice...I am safe, it's ok.....I'm gonna be ok...I am Safe ..this is just a trigger....
What's my particular soothing tool?
Come back to calm..do none of the behaviours you normally would, such as running away...or people pleasing....or being a bitch ..whatever..
That way, you're not keeping the trauma loop alive...every time you react the old way....all you're doing, is reaffirming...yes I'm in danger...yes I can't organically cope with my emotional reaction...and yes I need to control it now...by doing things that are not truthful.
Maybe look at where this came from, work with a professional in being able to honour that time of your life, allow yourself to be validated and heard, give space to that little girl and un-tag all the un-truths you put there about yourself, which you simply kept re-affirming over and over again.
It's simply a cycle....yes the original wound was painful, and unfair. We want to help you to know that...but because you've held onto protection and safety behaviours, you've never given yourself the chance to prove the past wrong...and so it comes up, over and over.
My darling it's ok......how the hell were you supposed to know any different ..??
I don't know about you, but nobody ever sat me down and taught me how to manage fear, how to process loss or bullying, or how to stop feeling sad and alone. I had to create my own responses, and my nervous system kept hold of it...because I wasn't in a position to know how to allow and release.
It was doing it's job...it kept you safe...it kept you able to cope.
But now, you've found its preventing you from your present….compromising areas of your life...
And so, it's time. Time to acknowledge you're hurting, and time to honour your wounds. Maybe think ok...this isn't going to just disappear by itself, and actually, I deserve more than being held hostage to my past...... A simple acceptance of this in itself can help you heal and move forward...and take steps to help you enable, that your past doesn't mean that your presents not safe....
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