John and Julie Gottman, creators of The Gottman institute,and leading Experts in Marriage and Relationship Counseling,
Spent 40 years researching and conducting clinical trials, with over 2000 troubled couples to see what they could observe,as being the solution to helping people put their turbulent or distant relationships back together again.
First they looked at the destructive tendencies and , formulated antidotes to all that they found.
One of their main Trials was in the area of Communication
They observed that if there was a frequency of contempt, criticism, defensiveness or stone walling , (more so the first 2) and no or very little fondness , intimacy or conflict resolve,then chances are, they're on their way to separating for good.
Why ? well, it's not betrayal or domestic abuse or violence that is the most typical reason for divorce or separation.
📌Resentment is, loneliness, disconnection, a wedge between two people.
In other words its a slow burn, that happens over time,
Rather than a big event.
You see the more you attack, belittle or ignore your partner,
The more distance there becomes
📌Did you know it takes 5 positive interactions to override one negative .
The amount of contempt that is used within a conversation ,
📌" God you're pathetic" or " you're always so boring/lazy/aggressive"
Has actually been proven to assess how many infectious diseases the receiver will suffer within that year.
Imagine that, your words actually harm not just the mind but the entire nervous and immune system too,
📌Word really do and can harm you.
So what's the solution.?
Well, we teach our clients how to communicate with each other in a way that allows each person to feel heard, seen , understood and acknowledged,
Imagine feeling that in a conversation rather than feeling, attacked, unvalidated, hurt and confused .
Do you see immediately what happens,
You're not in freeze fight or flight zone,
You're open, allowing and unguarded,
This creates intimacy, problem solving,
Depth of understanding as you see each other and understand how they felt,
You really can get through anything when communicating from this space,
📌We also bring back the romance,
Relationship counseling isn't all about conflict resolution, far from it,
We want you to bring back the good stuff and create rituals and shared memories, to recreate all that dopamine from the early days.
Chances are when troubles started,
Good times,Nice times stopped,
It's pretty natural, but actually science has shown that the more you put in to the positive emotional bank account , the easier your troubled times are to overcome,
Makes sense right ?
So we help you bring it back, and live it, incorporate it back into your daily lives .
Assignments and suggestions to help balance up the scales and recreates light, laughter and good times,
You get to remember the very reasons why you very first fell in love.
Most ppl stop doing the things they used to do at the beginning of their relationship, but then complain, it's not how it used to be..
You're right it's not , but that's probably because you're both now not taking that extra care, or going that extra mile to make your loved one feel special or valued or thought of
That's ok no judgment here, we,ve all done it,
But we work with you to repair your entire love house.
And ensure that all your rooms,
Are built on a solid, safe foundation..
If you would like to know more , read all about us and contact us at .
Certified Gottman clinical Therapist.